Thank you for welcoming us into your heartbreak and experience. Your words are touching and I hope there’s healing through writing. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Allison, your words have touched me more deeply than I can express. I have tears in my eyes and a tightness in my throat as I read your vivid, courageous, and honest sharing of Ben's passing. I am profoundly moved by your strength and your ability to bring light and humanity to a grief that so many find hard to speak about.
While I cannot truly know the depth of your pain, I feel a deep resonance with your experience, having lost my brother at age 29 in 2012 and my father suddenly in a car accident many years ago. I know the way these unforeseen losses can shatter us, and I am in awe of your courage to speak so openly about what it means to live beyond them.
Thank you for inviting us into this space to witness your love, your grief, and your path toward healing. I am grateful for your willingness to share your story with us, and I am holding your words with immense respect and compassion.
Jay, Thank you for taking the time to share your kind words and that you have also had deep and tragic losses with your brother and father. Gratitude to you for accepting my invitation to shed light on a topic that is usually shrouded in darkness. My goal is to serve the greatest good for all of humanity with my words, so your confirmation that they have been received as intended is deeply touching. Allison
That was touching, emotional and raw. Why did I read it…for comfort that you and your family are healing and that there is hope and peace at some point in your journey forward.
When my son lost a close friend to suicide last year I referred to your posts, to find a path to help, support and understand. I wanted to help Jenn, his mom. But I felt empty and helpless. I wanted to spare my friend and my son from the pain, grief and agony of Aidan’s death. But I couldn’t.
As with you, when I read your post of your beautiful Ben, I wanted to do something, hug you, support you, but the years have passed and our lives have grown apart but it didn’t change my care or anguish for you and your family. I think of you often and thank you for the resources that I have shared with my friend for support. It sounds like Ben gave you 17 years of the most amazing hugs. Sending you my love, prayers, and ultimately peace. Laurie
The grieving mother in me sees the grieving mother in you. I know what that cry sounds like. Holding you and your family in my heart and wishing you peace and a gentle path along the road to healing.
Hi Allison, thank you for this. It was my brother’s suicide that drove me to start writing and sharing publicly as well. You’ve captured several moments that I witnessed as a daughter, watching my best friend hold my mom’s shoulders as her primal cries took her feet out from underneath her and she slide down the wall, to her saying repeatedly I just need him “home” as we too navigated the many hoops that come with getting a body back in the aftermath of a suicide. I hope that each time you sit down and tend to this part of your story you find some healing. Thank you!
Maggie, Thank you for sharing your words with me. I am sorry that you also know the pain of suicide. Writing about Ben is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done, but simultaneously healing as well. Allison
Wow, what a testament to your strength Allison. Sharing that raw pain as well as what made a difference - both highlighted the beauty of motherhood & being a good human for others. Thank you ! May you continue to heal & bless others on your journey in life. ❤️
Dear Allison, this story is powerful, raw, and beautifully written. When my daughter died, almost two years ago, I desperately searched online for writing by parents who knew the same kind of pain. I think there is some kind of primal need to know we are not alone in this most unbearable pain that we must somehow learn to bear.
Your description of the surreal quality of the time afterwards was heartbreakingly familiar to me. How could I be saying words like "cremation" and "obituary"? It was truly surreal and reading your account made me cry for you, your beautiful son Ben, and for myself and my daughter.
"I have opened my heart to signs all around me that he is still here and that life is impermanent for all of us…" Yes, I feel the same way.
Thank you for your comments and kind words, Tina. I never want anyone to have to join a community of child loss, but if it has happened to you, then you also know that connection is so important on every level. There are no words needed to explain a loss so great to one who shares the same understanding. I hope you have found other grieving parents close to you. That was invaluable to me in the beginning. I plan to get back to writing soon after relocating to a new state. I need a lot more time to take care of myself in grief, so I've learned to do just that. I look forward to reading your posts as well. Sending love your way.
Reading through tear-stained cheeks with a hand on my heart, having just lost my 17-year-old nephew to suicide. Your tender and gut-wrenchingly powerful words have landed with me. And I’m deeply appreciative. I will be sharing with my own grieving family and carrying your sweet Ben in my heart. 💙 love, a fellow three-boy mama
Jennifer, I too have tear-stained cheeks after reading your posts. I wish you didn’t need my words to land with you, but it is the exact reason I started writing. So many boys are dying by suicide at this exact age. Sending much love to you and your family. I will keep you all in my hearts as well. Thank you.
What a beautiful and raw sharing of your tremendous loss. May he rest in peace and rise in glory. Sending you and your family a stranger’s but fellow mother’s support and warmest wishes for eventual peace.
Thank you for your story and what a great reminder to really listen to the teens in our lives and try to remember how difficult being a teenager was. I am moved by your description of how you are still deeply connected to him and I hope you write more about this. I think we would all be so much better off if we continued to connect with our loved ones who have died.
I will read every word you share and look forward to learning more about Ben beyond his final day. You are willing to teach, and I am willing to learn. I too believe there is more to life than our temporary form and time as we know it here.
Julie, Thank you for your encouraging words. I will also follow along with your journey. I'm an Oncology Nurse Navigator and I am going to learn from your teaching, also. Allison
Thank you Ellen.
This is a beautiful and heart breaking piece. Thank you for sharing.
Kate, Thank you for your reading it and your kind words. Allison
Thank you for welcoming us into your heartbreak and experience. Your words are touching and I hope there’s healing through writing. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Linzi, Thank you for reading my post and for your kind words. Writing is my next step in healing for sure. Allison
Oh Allison, this is so heartbroken, heartbreaking, heart-full. Thank you for sharing this. Oh how my heart opens to your beautiful mama's heart.
Thank you, Rosemerry, I could not have done this without you and All the Honey has just blown me away.
Allison, your words have touched me more deeply than I can express. I have tears in my eyes and a tightness in my throat as I read your vivid, courageous, and honest sharing of Ben's passing. I am profoundly moved by your strength and your ability to bring light and humanity to a grief that so many find hard to speak about.
While I cannot truly know the depth of your pain, I feel a deep resonance with your experience, having lost my brother at age 29 in 2012 and my father suddenly in a car accident many years ago. I know the way these unforeseen losses can shatter us, and I am in awe of your courage to speak so openly about what it means to live beyond them.
Thank you for inviting us into this space to witness your love, your grief, and your path toward healing. I am grateful for your willingness to share your story with us, and I am holding your words with immense respect and compassion.
With deep gratitude and empathy,
Jay
Jay, Thank you for taking the time to share your kind words and that you have also had deep and tragic losses with your brother and father. Gratitude to you for accepting my invitation to shed light on a topic that is usually shrouded in darkness. My goal is to serve the greatest good for all of humanity with my words, so your confirmation that they have been received as intended is deeply touching. Allison
Allison, you are very welcome.
I cried, for you and for Ben.
That was touching, emotional and raw. Why did I read it…for comfort that you and your family are healing and that there is hope and peace at some point in your journey forward.
When my son lost a close friend to suicide last year I referred to your posts, to find a path to help, support and understand. I wanted to help Jenn, his mom. But I felt empty and helpless. I wanted to spare my friend and my son from the pain, grief and agony of Aidan’s death. But I couldn’t.
As with you, when I read your post of your beautiful Ben, I wanted to do something, hug you, support you, but the years have passed and our lives have grown apart but it didn’t change my care or anguish for you and your family. I think of you often and thank you for the resources that I have shared with my friend for support. It sounds like Ben gave you 17 years of the most amazing hugs. Sending you my love, prayers, and ultimately peace. Laurie
Laurie, Thank you for your words. I will find a way to connect with you off Substack. Allison
Allison,
The grieving mother in me sees the grieving mother in you. I know what that cry sounds like. Holding you and your family in my heart and wishing you peace and a gentle path along the road to healing.
Hi Allison, thank you for this. It was my brother’s suicide that drove me to start writing and sharing publicly as well. You’ve captured several moments that I witnessed as a daughter, watching my best friend hold my mom’s shoulders as her primal cries took her feet out from underneath her and she slide down the wall, to her saying repeatedly I just need him “home” as we too navigated the many hoops that come with getting a body back in the aftermath of a suicide. I hope that each time you sit down and tend to this part of your story you find some healing. Thank you!
Maggie, Thank you for sharing your words with me. I am sorry that you also know the pain of suicide. Writing about Ben is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done, but simultaneously healing as well. Allison
Wow, what a testament to your strength Allison. Sharing that raw pain as well as what made a difference - both highlighted the beauty of motherhood & being a good human for others. Thank you ! May you continue to heal & bless others on your journey in life. ❤️
Thank you Small Susan for your kind words. Allison
Dear Allison, this story is powerful, raw, and beautifully written. When my daughter died, almost two years ago, I desperately searched online for writing by parents who knew the same kind of pain. I think there is some kind of primal need to know we are not alone in this most unbearable pain that we must somehow learn to bear.
Your description of the surreal quality of the time afterwards was heartbreakingly familiar to me. How could I be saying words like "cremation" and "obituary"? It was truly surreal and reading your account made me cry for you, your beautiful son Ben, and for myself and my daughter.
"I have opened my heart to signs all around me that he is still here and that life is impermanent for all of us…" Yes, I feel the same way.
I look forward to reading your posts.
Thank you for your comments and kind words, Tina. I never want anyone to have to join a community of child loss, but if it has happened to you, then you also know that connection is so important on every level. There are no words needed to explain a loss so great to one who shares the same understanding. I hope you have found other grieving parents close to you. That was invaluable to me in the beginning. I plan to get back to writing soon after relocating to a new state. I need a lot more time to take care of myself in grief, so I've learned to do just that. I look forward to reading your posts as well. Sending love your way.
Reading through tear-stained cheeks with a hand on my heart, having just lost my 17-year-old nephew to suicide. Your tender and gut-wrenchingly powerful words have landed with me. And I’m deeply appreciative. I will be sharing with my own grieving family and carrying your sweet Ben in my heart. 💙 love, a fellow three-boy mama
Jennifer, I too have tear-stained cheeks after reading your posts. I wish you didn’t need my words to land with you, but it is the exact reason I started writing. So many boys are dying by suicide at this exact age. Sending much love to you and your family. I will keep you all in my hearts as well. Thank you.
What a beautiful and raw sharing of your tremendous loss. May he rest in peace and rise in glory. Sending you and your family a stranger’s but fellow mother’s support and warmest wishes for eventual peace.
Justine, thank you for your support and warm wishes. Allison
I’m so sorry for your loss. I cried all the way through reading this.
Thank you for your story and what a great reminder to really listen to the teens in our lives and try to remember how difficult being a teenager was. I am moved by your description of how you are still deeply connected to him and I hope you write more about this. I think we would all be so much better off if we continued to connect with our loved ones who have died.
Misty, thank you for your kind words. I will continue to talk about that ongoing connection and how it has helped me in my grief. Allison
I will read every word you share and look forward to learning more about Ben beyond his final day. You are willing to teach, and I am willing to learn. I too believe there is more to life than our temporary form and time as we know it here.
Julie, Thank you for your encouraging words. I will also follow along with your journey. I'm an Oncology Nurse Navigator and I am going to learn from your teaching, also. Allison
My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending you strength and love.
Kristina, Thank you for your kind words. Sending love and strength back to you. Allison